Okay... I really wanted to be able to have some entries public, but it seems I can't do that without getting spammed. I'll either make my journal friends only or just screen all non-friend comments, haven't decided yet.

I'm starting to get together the extra things I need before the baby's born, at least the stuff that's not on my registry. Most of it has to do with diapering, and my stash is almost complete!

( Yesterday and today I got/ordered: )
For diapers I think all I have left to do is order the prefolds I want. I'm getting so excited since I'm so close to having a baby.

I just realized that I forgot to post about how things went with the doula. My mom and I met her at a coffee shop and we all talked for a long time. She is awesome! I am so happy I found her. She was very knowledgeable, she's had a lot of experience, and it'll be great to have her for support. We're supposed to have two more meetings before the birth.

Are there really more pregnant women than there used to be, or do I just notice them more because I'm pregnant? Whenever I go out I notice tons of pregnant women, it seems like there are many more than there used to be.

I made a birth plan today, with the help of a couple of sites ( http://www.childbirth.org/interactive/ibirthplan.html and http://pregnancyandbaby.com/pregnanc...reator-241.htm ). I tried to make it simple, but it ended up being kind of long anyway. I cut out some things that I think are not necessary based on what I've seen at this hospital. I'll show this to the doula I'm meeting tomorrow and see what she thinks.

( Birth Plan )

Wow, I got a lot more support from the local doula community than I expected. I got a lot of responses from people who said they'd volunteer but they were booked already, but they passed on the message to their fellow doulas. And I got a few offers from doulas willing to volunteer themselves, so I'm meeting one of them tomorrow. I'm so excited! And so glad it worked out! Also, I got e-mails from some Operation Special Delivery volunteers and they all said they hadn't gotten word of me, so I was right to think that my coordinator had not even looked. Why volunteer for a charity if you're not going to do anything? I understand that people get busy, but as the coordinator I'm sure she has a list of volunteers and it would be as simple as sending out an e-mail or making a few calls. And if you're too busy to do volunteer work then pass the job on to someone else.

If things work out with the lady I'm meeting tomorrow (and I think they will) then I'd like to do something to show my gratitude, but I'm not sure what to do. For those who have had a doula, did you offer a gift or anything? I especially feel like I should do something nice because she's volunteering. I don't know if there is a certain kind of etiquette for these things or not, but I want to do something and I need ideas.

I'm starting the search to find a doula on my own. I applied to Operation Special Delivery - they help military wives get a free doula if their husbands are deployed - and was accepted. They put me in touch with the volunteer lady for Washington and she's supposed to be looking for a doula for me. I waited a while and then contacted her multiple times and finally got a brief response that said she's still searching. Well time is running out and I don't think she's very reliable, she's not good at keeping in touch and I don't even know if she's really looking. I've heard that people have found doulas that need to attend more births to be certified and will offer free services, so that's what I'm hoping to find. I know there are a lot of doulas in Western Washington. I'm going to search on sites like CAPPA and email even the doulas who are already certified. I'm just not sure what to say... "Will you or do you know anyone who will be my doula for free... pretty please?" I guess I can just explain my situation and that I'm not having luck with Operation Special Delivery.

I know that it's a charity service and they can't guarantee that everyone gets a doula, but this is something that's really important to me. I don't want to give birth in a hospital to begin with. A home birth is not an option because I'm staying in my dad's little apartment for now, neither of my parents are comfortable with me having an UC in their homes and I need to respect their wishes. And Tricare will not cover a midwife or a birthing center, and I don't have the money to pay for anything out of pocket. The thought that I'd have a doula there for advice, encouragement, and to help enforce my birth plan was the thing that was making it okay that it has to be in a hospital.

Any advice on what I should say in my emails? And does anyone know specifically how to search for a free doula?

I made my own diapers! I made 3 fitted diapers. They really aren't that great, but I'm proud of myself because this was my first time sewing ever. And they may be functional! I'll have to wait and see. I used the Motherbird pattern, and they are very small. I'm a little worried that the light pink one will be too small for a newborn even, but I think the other two should fit unless I have a big baby. I plan to make more after the baby is born, that way I can see how they fit and change how I make them if I need to. Until then I'll be making wipes!

( the diapers! )

I haven't been on LJ in forever because I moved from Germany to Seattle and just got settled in. I meant to make a post before leaving Germany but I was too busy.

First we visited my husband's family for a couple of weeks, then I got home to my mom's then needed to take care of insurance and medical stuff, and meanwhile was dealing with a very bad dial-up connection. But all is good now.

I went to the doctor and all is well with me and the baby. And we found out that it's a girl! So she will be Jasmine Marguerite. I'm so happy to finally know. I went out yesterday and bought a bunch of baby girl clothes, and next will come the bedding and room decor. I'm also ready to start buying cloth diapers and slings and such, so I'll be doing that in the next few days. I'm not really sure what to buy for the diapers, but it'll be fun!

We weren't able to see the baby's sex, the baby wasn't in the right position. I know I'll be able to find out later, hopefully at a doctor's in the states before the baby is born, but I'm still really disappointed because I wanted my husband to be able to experience learning the sex with me, since he won't get to experience anything else until the baby's a year old. So I was pretty depressed all day yesterday, but I'm feeling better now, I just have to accept that that's the way it goes. At least the baby seems healthy

Tomorrow's the big ultrasound and I'm super excited. Hopefully the baby won't be shy.

We went ahead and bought our crib. Normally it would still be kind of early for that, but since we'll be leaving and my husband won't be here when I get back with the baby I wanted to get it now. We haven't put it together yet, that'll be done this weekend.

Recently I've become obsessed with slings/carriers. I joined babywearer and did a lot of my own research and decided that I want both a mei tai and a ring sling.

I've also become interested in cloth diapering instead of using disposable diapers. I tried to join clothdiapering but was denied because this is a pregnancy journal. Even though I have another journal I consider this my main journal, it's the only one I really post in or am active on. I created this journal because I wanted a journal where I was free to talk about TTC and pregnancy without people I know in real life reading my business and spreading it everywhere. But I'm going to keep this journal well past my pregnancy and it will focus on parenting, which is really a major thing in my life. So this is really a main journal, but all I'll really post about is pregnancy and parenting because that's all I'm really inspired to post about... which is probably why my other journal is inactive and always will be despite rare occasions. I contacted one of the maintainers to try to explain this and I thought the dialogue was going well. She said she wanted to make sure I was trustworthy because of all the transactions that happen there and asked if I had feedback anywhere, so I directed her my ebay feedback (which is all positive) but I haven't heard anything back for several days so I guess I'm not getting in. I'm actually really sad about this because I think that community would be a great source of information. I've done some reading on my own, but I've had no experience with diapering at all and the only person who I know that has had experience with cloth diapering is my mother (and that was in the 70's) who keeps telling me that I have no idea what I'm getting into and I will hate it. That's really discouraging to hear and I think I'd be more confident if I could learn from the experiences of other, because my mom is right - as a first time mother who has only even witnessed others using disposable diapers, I really don't know what I'd be getting into. So I really hope I do get in, maybe the maintainer is just busy. Or maybe I'd be let in if I changed the title of my journal.

I'm thinking of getting into sewing. I especially think it would be fun to make my own carriers and diapers/diaper covers. And I've been wanting to learn how to sew for a long time, and now I have a good reason.

I was in the hospital over the weekend, went in Friday morning and left Sunday night. I had some pains in my lower right abdomen that started on Thursday and keep getting worse. So I went to the hospital to get it checked out and they wanted to keep me there to monitor me and make sure it wasn't appendicitis and it wasn't. They don't know what was wrong, the doc just said that many things could cause pain in that area and that it had nothing to do with the pregnancy. But the pain went away and the baby is fine and I'm fine.

The doctor who did the ultrasound to look at my appendix had a sense of humor. While the baby was on the screen he went "Oh, twins!". It freaked me out for half a second, then I just said "No...!" and laughed.

In other news, I realized last night that I started lactating. I didn't think that would happen this early, but it was kind of exciting for me. Makes me feel like a mommy.

And I have one last appointment while still in Germany. It's next week and the main purpose is to find out the sex. Exciting! Hopefully the baby won't be shy.

( Ultrasound pic )

I went to the doctor today cause I have a UTI (icky), and he gave me some antibiotics and he also did an ultrasound. The baby is starting to look human! We could see it moving its arms and legs and jumping around, it was so cool. Before it's always just been a blob laying there with a heartbeat, seeing it move on its own was a very touching experience.

I have a pic from the ultrasound. It's pretty blurry cause the baby was moving around, but you can kinda see the profile of a face and both arms are dangling down by the head and there are legs too.

( pic )

12w0d

Had my 3rd appointment today. They took some blood and did another ultrasound, and my due date has changed to December 14th. I had a couple of weeks of very bad morning (and afternoon and evening) sickness, but I'm getting better. I still get nauseous but it's nowhere near as bad. I'm still constantly tired though.

I found out a few days ago that my husband will be deployed when the baby is born, so I'll be going home to Seattle this summer and staying there to have the baby. We both wish he could be here, of course, but we were expecting this. As long as he comes back safe then that's all that matters.

So, the baby is now officially a fetus and no longer an embryo. We went out Saturday to celebrate with Chinese food. And the baby is starting to look like a baby :)

( Here's the ultrasound pic )

I haven't had any bleeding since Saturday, so I think it's all over. I went to the doctor today and had another ultrasound, and all looks good. Baby is growing. It almost tripled in size, in one week!

My next appt is in two weeks and that's when they'll do some blood work.

And, I've started getting morning sickness, yay! Haven't thrown up yet, just been really nauseous.

( Ultrasound piccy )

7 weeks 1 day

Yesterday I started spotting. It was pinkish blood and there were no cramps or blood clots so I wasn't too worried, but I went to the hospital anyway. They did an ultrasound and we saw the heartbeat and the doc said that everything looked normal and that sometimes bleeding is normal, but he couldn't say for sure that it's not the start of a miscarriage because there's no way to tell. I have another appointment in a week to see if the baby is okay and is still growing. And he said that it was a normal size for six weeks.

After I got home I started bleeding more and this time it was red instead of pink and it was heavier, not quite as heavy as a period though. And there was still no cramping and no blood clots. I just went to bed because there was really nothing else I could do.

This morning I bled a little more, but it was brown which I've heard means it's old blood so it's less scary. As of right now I'm not bleeding, but I'm still scared. I think the baby is probably still alive since the heartbeat was fine yesterday, but there's no way for me to know. I'm also scared that I'll start bleeding again and that this is the start of a miscarriage.

I'm trying to just relax and stay optimistic, because I know that being stressed out will not do any good.

I got a positive test last night! I'm still very much in disbelief.

We were going to stop trying after this month. I took the test expecting it to be negative, I was just a day late and wanted to "just be sure".

Wow.

I started my period a couple days ago. This is good news because that means my cycle is down to 32 days, which is normal. So now I'm hopeful that things are completely back to normal and that I'll be able to conceive. :)

I ordered some Vitex online and that should be here sometime next week. I've heard a lot of good things about Vitex, I just need to find a better place to get it. The S&H rates at drugstore.com are ridiculous, but it's the only place I've been able to find the 500mg capsules.

I'd been having an easy time dealing with being unsuccessful, until today. I've still been able to read all of my pregnancy/baby/ttc communities just fine, even pregnancy announcements weren't bugging me. Then today someone posted a pic of their positive HPT and for some reason that just hit me hard. I've seen so many negative tests that I don't even want to test anymore, I dread taking them because of how disappointing it is to see negative after negative. I want to see my own positive tests.

My period started today. It was 50 days this time, I'm really hoping my cycle goes back to 33-35 days like it used to be.

I'm not as upset as I was last time. There's an event back home at the end of August that I'd like to go to. If was 8 or 9 months pregnant in August then I wouldn't be able to fly home and go. So, I still have a chance of being able to go.

If I get pregnant on my next predicted day of ovulation (Feb 7th) then that'll give me a Halloween due date. Neat :)

The friend I mentioned before, who was having complications at 16 weeks, had a miscarriage at 20 weeks. The baby did have Down's Syndrome; it was probably just such a severe case that it couldn't survive. I feel so bad for her, but she's dealing with it well. They also plan to TTC again soon. And it was a boy.

Again I have no idea if I'm pregnant or not, but I doubt it. Still no period, but still negative tests. My breasts hurt like hell and I'm going to take another test today, but I'm not getting my hopes up. It's possible that my body is still adjusting to the lack of HBC. Or maybe something else is causing irregular periods, I don't know. If it keeps up I will see a doctor soon.

Had a problem with the internet for a while, but it's up and running now.

Right now I'm doing the "two week wait". The date I've given myself is Nov 19, if I don't have a period by then I'll take a test. I'm a lot less stressed this time around than I was my last cycle.

Another friend of mine just found out that's she's pregnant. Another friend is due is two days. And yet another friend is 16 weeks along. She's having a difficult pregnancy though; first she had heavy bleeding around 8 weeks and now they are telling her that the baby may have a chromosomal disorder (like down's syndrome or trisomy 18) because of a swelling in the baby's neck and a low amount of amniotic fluid. I went with her to her amniocentesis because her husband couldn't make it. I'm hoping and praying that everything is all right. The doctor said it's possible for it to be nothing, but he didn't seem very hopeful.